Hidden Emotions
by Kayla-kun
Summary: Near isn't as emotionless as he seems, hes just good at hiding his secrets... Shonen-Ai MelloxNear Mello and Matt friendship Fluff One-shot It takes place while Mello and Near are still at Wammy's.


_ What is it about him that fascinates me? How is he able to be the center of all my thoughts and why can't I change that. What is it about the strange icy white boy I have always competed against? Near... _I thought as I laid awake in my bed. I couldn't fall asleep with so many thoughts rushing through my head. I always believed that I hated him, that I wanted to defeat him. But the thoughts that buzzed through my head weren't about how I despised him. I wasn't sure what they were about. It was almost as if I liked being around him, but I really didn't want to admit that.

I rolled over on my side sighing reaching for the chocolate bar on my nightstand. The bed creaked and part of my blanket fell off of me as I did so. I figured if I couldn't sleep anyway sugar wouldn't make much of a difference. As I bit into to the sweet chocolaty substance my mind traveled to the events that occurred during the afternoon.

I was excited over the fact that I beat Near by a few points on the essays we wrote. I headed to the common room to brag to him about my small victory over him, since wins against him rarely occurred.

When I reached the room, Near sat as usual working on his puzzle. He didn't acknowledge me but I knew he knew I was there.

"Hey, Near. How does it feel to not be number one?

"Mello, it was just one essay and it didn't change our status. I am still the number student here at Wammy's."

"For now, but you'll see, I'm on my way to surpassing you. I'm heading right for success!"

"I truly hope you do well Mello. And I congratulate you on your essay." Near said in an emotionless tone.

"Don't give me that! I know you're jealous of me!" I was angry with him for trying to conceal his emotions, and even angrier with him for succeeding.

"Not everyone is like you, Mello."

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said. Now if you're done bragging, I'd like to go back to my puzzle." And with that Near turned away from me. I stood there seething. It made my blood boil the way he was so nonchalant about everything. I grabbed Near's shirt and forced him to face me.

"Don't act like I'm not affecting you." I yelled in his face when I didn't see a surprised reaction after I grabbed him.

"Mello, you are affecting me, I am unable to finish my puzzle because of you."

"Thats not what I meant and you know it. Besides whats so fun about solving puzzles everyday, anyways? I don't see any enjoyment in that."

"Why don't you try, and see if you understand."

"Fine!" I roughly let go of Near and sat down next to his puzzle. Near began silently placing pieces and I studied the remaining ones. I grabbed one and fit it in. Then I grabbed a few more and together Near and I worked on the puzzle diligently. I actually found myself liking to be there, and I forgot about my rivalry with Near during that time.

When we were finished, without thinking I smiled. A moment later I quickly stopped grinning and hoped that Near didn't noticed. I didn't know for sure, but I thought he did.

"See, wasn't that fun?" Near asked.

"Yeah, yeah..." I reluctantly replied.

"Do you want to do another one?"

"Um... sure." And with that Near placed a new puzzle in front of us and we got to work. We did several more before I left for my room, actually enjoying each other's presence.

When I got there, I found Matt waiting outside of my door. He happily greeted me and asked if I would play video games with him until dinner. I complied and we had fun for hours. Matt won almost every game but I didn't mind. Matt was the only person that could beat me at something and wouldn't send me into a jealous rage.

At the dining hall Matt and I got our food and sat next to each other. The hall was very crowded and we were lucky to find an empty table.

Matt had been in the middle of telling me a joke when none other than Near interrupted him.

"Excuse me, but there are no seats open except for at your table, may I sit here?"

"Sure!" Matt said in a friendly voice. I ignored Near as he sat down across from me and asked Matt to finish his joke. When he was finished and I finally controlled my laughter, I got up to get rid of my empty tray. Matt still had plenty of food left so he stayed with Near who also was still eating. When I got back Matt and Near were having a conversation. Matt was being his usual lively self and Near was acting apathetic. But to me, it seemed as if he was enjoying himself and just hiding very well. Maybe Near actually liked talking to people. Maybe Near was lonely...

"Hey! What are you guys talking about."

"Oh, nothing much, we were just waiting for you." Matt replied.

"Well here I am!" I said enthusiastically. We stayed in the dining hall for a long time just talking. Again, I forgot about my hatred for Near and I treated him just like I did Matt. We were the last people to leave the dining hall, but eventually we each headed to our rooms.

I lazily lounged on my bed munching a chocolate bar before getting up and getting ready for bed. When I was finished, as soon as I laid down, I found myself restless. My head immediately clouded up with thoughts of Near, bringing me out of my flash back and to me being unable to sleep. I noticed that my chocolate bar was finished and figured that I must have been absently chewing it while I was remembering my day. During the time I was thinking about earlier in the day, I actually had become drowsy, and soon I fell asleep.

The next morning I slowly got out of bed. I didn't have any classes so I lazily got ready for the day and pattered over to the dining hall for some breakfast. I was surprised not to find Matt there. He didn't show up the entire time I spent eating my breakfast.

After I was done, I went straight to Matt's room to see if he was still sleeping. I slowly pushed open the door, hearing a slight creaky sound. There was a large lump on the bed. That lump moved as soon as it heard me come in. Matt's faced popped up from within the lump.

"Hey, how come you're still sleeping. I know we have the day off but its pretty late to still be in bed."

"I know, I'm just not feeling well today." Matt croaked. It was then I noticed how sickly he looked. I asked him if he needed anything and when he said he had a headache I went to the nurse's for some medicine.

On my way back I meandered through the halls. I realized that Matt hadn't eaten breakfast yet so I headed to the dining hall to grab him something to eat.

When I was done gathering his food, I headed back for Matt's room. I quietly opened the door in case Matt had fallen asleep and when I entered Matt smiled when he saw me. I immediately brought the medicine and the food over to him. He gratefully took it and thanked me. He was happily surprised with the food I brought him. He told me that right after I left he noticed how hungry he was and thought he was going to have to wait for me to get back before he could ask me for something to eat. I smiled at how touched Matt was at my thoughtfulness and I stayed with him for awhile, just talking with him and keeping him company. Eventually Matt fell asleep.

When that happened I tiptoed out of his room and went to my room. As I approached my door I was surprised to see Near waiting for me.

"What do you want?" I asked in a slightly irritated tone.

"Well, because you did my puzzle with me yesterday, today I thought it would be fair to do something you like to do." Near said as if it were obvious.

"Oh, well I I'm not really going to do anything. I was just going to hangout in my room."

"May I come in too?"

"Uh.... sure." Near entered my room and placed himself in the middle of the floor, twistinghis finger in his hair.

"Want some chocolate?" I asked.

"Yes please, because I know its something you like to eat."

"Um... right." The moment was very awkward. I strolled over to my chocolate stash, grabbed two bars and headed for my bed, handing a bar to Near on my way. I sat down and unwrapped the bar I got for myself.

"So... whats up?" I finally asked after a short period of silence.

"Oh nothing.... Wow this is really good!" Near said with a little amount of enthusiasm, which shocked me. Even though it was a very small amount of emotion, coming from Near it was astonishing.

"You sound as if you've never had chocolate before."

"Actually I haven't..."

"What!?!" My reaction was a little over dramatic, but still, Near never had chocolate! That was a major shock to me. I thought everyone had tried chocolate at least once in their lifetime!

Near just kept contentedly eating his chocolate bar. I was memorized by the site. I always thought Near and I were so different, practically from two separate universes. But now it seemed that we were more alike that I originally thought. I barely noticed when Near commented how he now understood why I enjoyed chocolate so much. I absently agreed, still transfixed by the way Near delicately eat the chocolate. I usually would break off large chunks at a time but Near only daintily nibbled at it. It was dare I say adorable.

Near met my eyes and I felt my face grow hot. _Am I blushing? Why!?!_ I wondered. I quickly hid my face behind my blond locks just in case Near looked up. I never wanted him to see me blush. I peeked through my hair to find Near staring at me, for once he was wearing a confused expression.

"What?" I sharply asked.

"I was just wondering why you were blushing." _Dammit! He noticed!_

"Blushing?!? Me?!? Near I think you are imagining things!"

"If I'm imagining things then why do you sound so defensive?" Near's tone took on a mocking edge.

"I'm not defensive, I was just shocked at how crazy you are for thinking that I would or could ever blush."

"Everyone blushes Mello..."

"Not you..."

"I do, I just never show anyone..." _Is Near admitting that he always covers up his emotions?_

"Why don't you ever let anyone see what you're feeling?"

"I-I..." Near faltered. "I've never told anyone..." I was suddenly very curious.

"Near, please tell me. You can trust me."

"I can? I've always had the impression that you hated me."

"Not anymore, I promise." I looked Near in the eyes as I said this. I hadn't realized that my loathing for Near had vanished until I said those words. _How could I ever hate that sweet face... Wait sweet face!?! Whats wrong with me!?! _I flushed darker but Near didn't notice.

"Before I came to this orphanage, when my father was alive, I used to always show my emotions. Actually, I think I showed too much. My father got mad at me for crying over what he called petty things and would always yell at me to suck it up. When I didn't, he used the cliché expression 'If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about.' Only in his case, he actually meant. Every time he caught me crying, he would slap me. He called me childish and never got me any toys or candy saying I needed to be a man. Which is why, even though I know I'm too old for playing with toys, I can't help but indulge in using them anyway. I am making up for the childhood I never had. It is also why I never had chocolate before." _Near's father didn't let him have chocolate!?! What a bastard!_

"Wait a second, Near." I interrupted. "Where was your mother in all of this? Surely she would have let you have chocolate."

"She died giving birth to me, which is probably why my father was so harsh to me. He probably blamed me for her death. Which technically, I did cause."

"No, Near, don't say that, it wasn't you're fault."

"Yes it was, but its okay, because on the tapes of my mother pregnant with me, she seemed to love me very much. She was always rubbing and cooing at her belly. She really cared about me and I'm sure she forgave me..." Near turned his head and I heard his breath faintly hitch. Upon hearing that very small sound I was on the floor holding Near.

"Its okay Near, let out all of you're bottled up emotions. No one will hit you for it I promise. If they try, I won't let them. I'll beat them until they cry too! Anyone who tries to hurt you will have to get through me first!" I didn't know why I wanted to protect him so badly but I thought it had to do with that fact that he was so fragile. _And cute..._

"Th-thank you Mello..." Near then began to softy cry. I soothingly rubbing his back as finally all of his feelings poured out. Everything he had kept locked up inside of him was let out onto my shoulder. His crying grew louder and turned into sobs. I kept holding him and whispering words of comfort into his ear.

When he quieted down, Near realized he was clinging onto me. He tried to back away, embarrassed. I would have left him go if I hadn't seen his cheeks turn a soft pink. He looked incredible when he blushed. _So amazingly cute..._ Instead I held him tighter. He complied, and buried his face into my neck. I was truly smiling at that moment, more than I had when Near and I finished that puzzle together, more than I had when Matt told me that joke at dinner, and more than I did when I saw Matt's excited faced when I brought him breakfast.. All of those had been real smiles, but not like this one. I felt so warm and butterflies rushed through my stomach. Near raised his head and saw my smile, and in return, he gained a small smile of his own.

Seeing that, I couldn't control myself. _Cute, adorable, beautiful..._ _My Near... My sweet Near... _I slowly leaned in, getting close enough to feel Near's soft breathing. Gently, I pressed my lips against his.

At first Near froze with shock, but then he lightly pressed back. I smiled into the kiss and then leaned slightly away, touching my forehead to Near's.

Now I understood the thoughts that had kept me up the night before. I had fallen for Near. Luckily, he too had fallen for me.


End file.
